Confessions

In response to #kinderblog13 assignment #1: Confessions.

Confessions. Hmmm…I am having a hard time with this. I don’t think I have many secrets, but I do have one issue that has been bugging me for the past few months…my sight…or more accurately, my POOR sight. I don’t like dwelling on the negative (hence the name of my blog, Searching for Sunshine), but I am going to confess that my failing eyesight is driving me crazy!

I HATE GLASSES. There, I wrote it. *sigh* I have always felt geeky, nerdy, unattractive and uncomfortable in glasses.

Twelve years ago I had corrective laser eye surgery so that I wouldn’t have to wear glasses anymore…except cute sunglasses. I can deal with those. In fact, I LOVE sunglasses…Maui Jim sunglasses specifically.

I enjoyed 12 years of 20/20 vision…the surgery seriously changed my life. Until you have experienced less than perfect sight, you have no idea how amazing it can be to wake up and read the alarm clock without reaching for your glasses…or go swimming with your kids and be able to SEE them.

I NEVER took my sight for granted. I cherished the freedom that perfect vision afforded me…until my eyes changed.

A few months ago when my eyes changed I contacted my laser eye surgery clinic and arranged to have a touch-up surgery. I thought it would fix the distance issues I had and I would only have to wear reading glasses instead of going to progressive lenses to correct the slight distance issues and accommodate my aging, tired eyes. I knew that eye muscles weaken and reading glasses were inevitable, but the slight change in my eyesight was giving me horrible headaches and I wanted to alleviate those if I could.

My surgery went well, but I have not healed as I had hoped. My distance vision is ok, but my left eye is weaker than I anticipated and I have no clear close-up vision within 10 feet. In essence I traded one vision problem for another and this one actually makes my life harder. The headaches are different, but they are still there.

It bothers me that I can’t focus on my family’s or my students’ faces if they get too close to me. I don’t want to distance myself from them, but I HAVE to so I can focus.

Reading is hard because my left eye muscle weakness is different than my right and drug store reading glasses don’t work for me. I need a prescription for custom lenses.

Not only do I need prescription reading glasses, I also need prescription reading sunglasses. Two of my favourite pastimes are reading and tweeting on my iPad and I can do neither without glasses. My holidays are spent catching up on the reading for enjoyment I don’t have time for during the school year, so if I want to read at the beach or by the pool, I need to buy prescription reading sunglasses.

These are expenses I had hoped to avoid.

I go to see my eye surgeon on Monday and I will get a prescription for new progressive glasses. That way I won’t be taking my glasses on and off…I can’t do that, as so much of my day is spent reading and doing work close-up. I don’t like it, but I have to admit to myself that if I am to give up the past few months of frustration and carry on enjoying life, it’s something I have to do.

There…I wrote about it. I confessed that I hate glasses…and I still do, but I am grateful for the technology so that glasses can correct my vision issues, and I am also grateful for the 12 years of 20/20 vision I enjoyed after my original corrective laser surgery. See…still searching for the sunshine in a frustrating situation!

Update: Just finished at my check-up…I have to wait another six weeks to see if my eye changes more before he will give me a prescription for progressives. Translation…more waiting, more frustration, not yet able to see clearly up close. I will try a stronger pair of reading glasses to see if that helps. On a positive note, my distance vision is 20/20!!!